This is a topic I've thought quite a bit about in the past, and it's on my mind again since reading Theresa's incredible post. If you knew you had only a few weeks or months to live, what would you do? What would you regret not having done?
Thankfully, I don't think I'd have too many regrets. That is due in large part to my philosophy of taking advantage of every opportunity, of going after what I want, just taking advantage of life in general. That's what I did when I lived in France. First of all, I lived in France, I traveled to many of my top places to visit, I became pretty close to fluent in French, I lived totally independently and took care of all of my shit in a foreign language, I liked my job, made great friends, and of course ate wonderful food. I guess I might regret not having been there for a longer period of time, but the two years I spent in France were pretty fantastic. No complaints here.
I think knowing what to do with your time left would be the hard part. Obviously the most important would be to let everyone I love know how I feel about them and to spend as much time with those people as possible. I would probably want to take a trip somewhere, either France or Northern Michigan, to say goodbye to those places and the people in France. I'd have to plan for the end - what I'd want to happen at my funeral, who should be invited, where I should be buried. Who I would give my stuff to. Writing goodbye letters, writing an announcement in French that my parents could send to the non-English speakers. I'd have to make a list of all of my passwords and sites to update for when I passed.
And how would it feel knowing that the end is approaching, that soon I wouldn't be able to do any of these things? Would I feel calm and be able to let go? Or would I fight it tooth and nail, struggling to stay alive and keep feeling and doing things?
I know I would struggle. I know I wouldn't be able to accept my doctor telling me I have no options left. I will fight and get treatment as long as I can draw breath to say I want more treatment. But I hope too that if it ever got to the point where there really wasn't anything left, that I really did have to say goodbye, that I would be able to let go with grace and dignity.
What about you? What would you regret not doing? What would you want to do in your last few months on Earth?