Today when I signed into my Gmail the ad at the top of the page was excited flashing "JDate now available in French!" Goodness only knows what kinds of emails are sitting in my inbox that would make Google think I am interested in JDate.

JDate is an online Jewish dating site. It's like eHarmony, but for Jews to meet other Jews to have Jewish babies and thus ensure the continuity of the tribe. I won't tell you how many disasters one of my friends has had with JDate; let's just say that these are not the cream of the Jewish crop (if said cream actually exists, which I am starting to doubt).

But a favorite activity in the dorms back in my Brandeis days was to search JDate to see if anyone from Brandeis was on there and then laugh at how ridiculous their profiles were and judge how close to the truth it was. Sounds silly, but actually a very fun time.

So I had to check out French JDate, putting in my little village in Picardie just to see what I turned up. I actually found three guys listed in a town not far from me. I have no idea what these weirdos from Picardie are doing on JDate because I can tell you that there are maybe five Jews here total, so I doubt the Jewishness of these men. But it would be easy enough to verify if I were to ever meet them in person.

Eeew. It's enough to make you want to jump off of the Jewish ship and into the Ocean of Goyim.

Then I decided to check out the real JDate and see if I could find some guys from Brandeis who I know used to have profiles on there. I stumbled onto the JDate blog, which is powered by ... Nuva Ring! Because until you tie the knot and get off JDate we don't actually want said Jewish babies appearing. A little further down on the blog I found that Rabbi Shmuley of Shalom in the Home and Kosher Sex fame has a new book out called The Kosher Sutra: Eight Sacred Secrets for Reigniting Desire and Restoring Passion for Life.

That's right India, watch out, because the Jews are rewriting the book. You can read a little excerpt and see what Shmuley had to say in the Huffington Post.

Maybe that's why Madonna decided to go Kabbala?